Horrible Wonderful
by The Pixiee
Summary: Alice and Jasper had to leave, in order to help their family. Alice's thoughts as she runs away from her family to find that one blind spot that could save them. Breaking Dawn.
1. Chapter 1

Horrible, Wonderful

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. Obviously.**

I'm sorry Bella. I'm sorry Bella. I'm sorry Bella. I'm sorry Bella.

I am so sorry.

I repeated this mantra as I ran as fast as possible. Jasper followed blindly behind me, radiating confusion. I couldn't even tell him why we were running. If I said it out loud it would make it too real. I couldn't face the fact that I was running from my family. They were the people I loved more than my own life, and I was running away from them as fast as my feet would take me. More importantly, I was running away from my sister, my best friend.

I am so sorry.

I had to this, I reasoned. It would help in the end. But a small voice in my head countered my reasoning. What if it didn't? What if I could not succeed? Even if I somehow managed to succeed, would I get back in time? Could I get back in time? What if the Volturi got there first? This final question almost brought me to my knees. I was abandoning my own family. I was leaving them. I was doing the one thing I had promised myself I would never do. I was forsaking the people who had taken me in and loved me unconditionally. They hadn't even known me. I was a complete stranger to them, and they had taken me in! Oh god, I am horrible. I truly am a monster. I am doing the very same thing that my human family did to me. They left me to die in an asylum. I was leaving my family to die, on the slight glimmer of hope that I could help prolong this coming death. It was definite; I had seen it in my visions. Anyway they would go about it they would die. I didn't know if I would help at all, even if I succeeded. I couldn't see anything since I decided to do this. I was searching for a blind spot.

A horrible blind spot. Perhaps a wonderful blind spot. Maybe an inconsequential blind spot. But however you put it, it was a blind spot, and I couldn't see it. I couldn't see whether my family lived or died! For god's sake why couldn't I see this thing? I could see that tomorrow a young girl would get married to the love of her life, and a father would cry when his son graduated from college. I could see that a man would stand in the very place I stood now, and listen to the sounds of the forest. I could see that a little boy would be lost in this forest, only to be found a few hours later by his worried mother. I could see the future of any stupid meaningless thing that crossed my path, but why couldn't I see the future of my family? Myself? Or Jasper?

Jasper, I sighed inwardly. He was so wonderful. He followed me blindly as I ran to the sea, away from the glass house we knew as home. He ran away from his family, the people who had dared to see past his scars and see the man that I knew. The wonderful man who would trail me wherever I went, even if he did not know why. He didn't know that the only way I knew to help my sister and the family I loved was to run. He just knew I was running, and he followed me. He ran and I ran. Together. Away from our home, our family, our life. We ran. And we never looked back.

How was I going to explain this to Bella? How could I look her in the face after what I had done? How could I call her my sister after the pain I would put her through. Of course, this would only matter if we survived. I couldn't see how we could survive. Even if we had the chance to actually fight the Volturi, there was absolutely no way we could win. I didn't need to be a psychic to know that. No one had ever defeated them, and no one ever would. That was why they were so powerful, that was why no one challenged them. No one challenged them because everyone who challenged them died within seconds. It wasn't even a fight. They were the government, and no one challenged the government. They were the most monstrous vampires out there. They were the monsters among monsters. I couldn't begin to fathom how they could do what they did. How could someone simply plan to destroy an entire family because they were different? We hadn't done anything wrong, even though they thought we had.

This thought brought me musings to Irina. This was all her fault. Although deep down, I knew the Volturi would have found a reason to attack us eventually, I couldn't help but feel complete hatred toward Irina. My anger and jealousy flared so much that Jasper froze. I had stopped running as well.

"Alice, what….?" Jasper didn't finish his sentence. I stared into his eyes and understood him. He deserved to know what in the world we were doing.

"If I find another like Renesmee, we might stand a chance to explain our case to the Volturi. It might help," I simply stated. I didn't know how else to explain what the hell I was doing. I kept my chin down, but I could feel Jasper eyes burning into my short hair. He must be so disappointed in me. He must feel as if I was as bad as the Volturi. I was engulfed in self-pity.

Jasper lifted my chin up and looked into my eyes. I felt a lull of calm wash over me. More calming then his power were his words. These simple words he said made me believe that I might actually be doing the right thing. Maybe I would be able to help. Maybe I would have some impact on the future. The future can change; I knew this better than anyone. Maybe we would be able to prolong the coming death I had seen so clearly. Maybe we could find this blind spot.

And Jasper made me feel all this with a few simple words,

"It will all be fine, Alice. This is right."

Oh god, I hope it is.

**Should I continue? Review please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys. It made my day. I'll try to update as often as possible, but I can't make any promises as to when. **

Hope

By the time we had reached the sea, I had half-convinced myself that I was doing the right thing. The minute we approached that huge body of water, all that changed. In a moment of weakness, I turned my head slightly to look back over the mountains. Into the forest. At my home. With my heightened senses, I could see the little glass house. Specifically, I could see Edward's room. I had always loved the way Edward was able to see the sea from his room. It was the cause of many fights when we had first moved to Forks. I remembered those days with melancholy. It was so much simpler back then, before the werewolves, before Bella. Before Bella. Yes it was easier then, simpler, but I would never ever wish to take it back. I would risk my life for Bella without a second thought. She was my sister. That one thought was so finite, so strong, that it gave me enough momentum to turn away from the house that held so many memories, and face that daunting sea.

As I turned my granite body to face this mass of water, I realized I had no idea what I was going to do. How was I supposed to search for a blind spot? I was really starting to hate this blind spot. Why was it so horribly difficult to see? Why did it have to be a blind spot? Why couldn't it be a nice, simple half-vampire whose future I could see? But then again, what about my life was simple? I was a vampire who went against her nature and abstained from human blood. A vampire who had been best friends with a human, who's other best friend was a werewolf, my mortal enemy. And to top this all off, I could see the future, and the future at the moment contained a very displeased vampire army killing the most important people in my world. Yes, nothing about my life was simple, so why would this be?

I rubbed my temples involuntarily. With the future rushing through my head like static on a television, concentration was difficult for me to achieve. Every time I settled my mind on something, the future rattled, shifting my focus as it changed. Possible futures flew around me, threatening to happen, teasing me in a way. They flitted in and out of my vision, daring me to pay attention to them. I tried to ignore them, which only made my headache worse. These headaches had subsided a bit after Nessie was born, but now they were back in full power.

"Alice, where are we going now?" Jasper's serene voice awoke me from my not too peaceful reverie. I looked up at him and was slammed with a wave of concern. He did not mean to thrust this emotion at me, but after so many years together he had finally let his guard down around me. It was hard for him to control his emotions when we were so very close. I remember I had been so happy when he finally let me feel a bit of what he was feeling. He did not mean to, but in that tiny slip-up, I realized that, as unbelievable as it was, he loved me with all his heart. And now he stood in front of me, waiting to follow me blindly.

Where were we going? I directed my thoughts at this burden again. I thought back to what Edward had told me about his honeymoon with Bella. In the chaos that they had brought back with them, Edward had confided to me one thing. One servant had known. She understood what he was, and knew the implications. However, she believed Edward to be an incubus. Edward told me how she had screeched in fright, and how her thoughts begged for Bella to run away. If this mere human had known so much about our kind, she would be a good starting point. At least it was as close to a starting point as I had. Damned blind spot. I hissed inwardly as my rage towards this thing that was causing me so much trouble grew exponentially. Again my concentration was gone. Our kind was distracted easily, but normally I was able to focus my attention in times of crisis. Normally, however, could not apply to this situation. I wondered if anything would ever be normal. Was anything normal? I was a vampire, for god's sake.

However, this woman had known that. She had known that there was something different about Edward, about us. She had feared for Bella's safety, as any human would do if they knew what monsters we were. How had she known? She must have heard legends. Legends about vampires, cold ones, blood suckers. We had a thousand different names. Whatever she had heard, whatever name we went by to her, she would be a good place to start.

I had decided. I would go to this woman, and pray to god she could help me. I would beg her if necessary. Suddenly this weak human became my only lifeline. She was the only person that might hold they key to this mysterious door. Hopefully she could see the blind spot, where I, the clairvoyant, could not. Hopefully she would help. It was all I could do; hope. I hoped this woman would help. I hoped Jasper and I could find this blind spot. I hoped my family would be saved. I hoped they would one day forgive me. I hoped Bella would forgive me, and we would be sisters once again. I simply hoped.

"Alice?" Jasper questioned me. I had not yet answered his question. I looked into his golden eyes and saw that my decision was solid. I was ready. He was ready. But what exactly we were ready for, I could not be certain about. Were we ready to save our family? Were we ready to begin our journey? Or were we ready to die?

"Isle Emse."

**Hope you liked it! Review si'vous plait!**


	3. Chapter 3

Lifeline

**A/N: ****Sorry I did not update quicker. But here you go :)**

The ocean seemed endless. It resembled my mind. An endless ocean. No feelings, no emotion, just rhythm. One, a wave slapped down. I pushed the water with my arms. Two, a wave began to rise. I kicked. One, two. One, two. I used the staccato rhythm to tune out my thoughts. I began to become a blank slate. A blank page in a notebook. Just waiting patiently for someone to give me a purpose. Until I found that purpose, I would just keep swimming. Keep moving. I was becoming a machine. I had almost completely gone blank when Jasper's hand brushed against me. I immediately refocused my mind. I had to do this for Bella. She deserved to have a long, happy life with Edward. Just as I had with Jasper.

I had left her a lifeline. A simple note in a book would provide a chance for her daughter. If I didn't make it back in time and if they were unsuccessful, her daughter would still have a chance. She would have that chance to have the long and happy life her mother was so unfairly robbed of. I hoped with all my might that this crisis would not come to this, but a small, overly logical part of me reminded myself that this was a possibility. I took comfort in the fact that even if I could not save my family and myself, I would be able to save Renesmee. She was such a wonderful creature, full of curiosity and intelligence. She was both like her mother and father in many ways. She deserved to live. She would if I had any say in it. Of course, all of this relied on Bella finding the note. It then would work. If she found it. Hopefully _when_ she found it.

I didn't come up for air and I didn't stop to catch my breath. I just kept swimming with Jasper alongside me. I knew it was illogical, but it felt like we had been swimming for days, weeks, years. On and on we swam to our lifeline. Our family's lifeline moreover. As I had come to realize, Jasper and I didn't have to die. If we did not succeed, we didn't have to go back. I knew I could never abandon my family like that, but I had no idea how I would be able to watch Jasper die. It would be much too much to bear. Without him, without the only sunshine in my life, I would perish. Simply cease to be. I needed to succeed for many reasons, but this one was the most prominent. I knew it was horribly selfish, but Jasper was my soul. I would succeed, for him.

"We are close, Alice," Jasper whispered. I treaded water for a moment and looked in the direction he pointed. There was Isle Emse. I could actually hear the hallelujah chorus. If I had not been engulfed in salt water, I would have quite literally jumped for joy. I was filled with emotions that were more overpowering then any emotion I had felt other than my love for Jasper. I looked towards him and saw his sly smile. He fed off my emotions with the same joy and the same crude humor. It was humorous, in a twisted way, how we, the powerful bloodsuckers, were placing all of our bets on a weak human. It was an ironic reversal of roles really.

The minute I reached the shore, I began to run. I had never been to this island, so I let my heightened senses guide me. I felt the breeze caress my shoulders. To humans it probably sent chills throughout them, but to me it felt comforting and warm. It emphasized the feeling of calm that Jasper had been edging on me. Normally, I would resist his power, but today I let the wave of calm flow through me. I was near hysteria; a little calm felt good.

I could smell the humans far before I saw the house. I could smell the warm blood pulsating through their veins. It smelled of flowers and salt water. It was a delicious aroma. I was well fed, but, as Edward always said, I enjoyed the bouquet while resisting the wine. I had laughed the first time had said that, but in times when I was in contact with humans, it proved very true. I had to stop before the lust got out of control.

When I finally reached the house, I wasted no time running in. I ran at full speed, knowing I would be but a blur to any servants that were there. I could smell a young woman working in the kitchen. I wondered briefly what she could be doing, for we rarely visited the island. As I reached the kitchen, I slowed to human pace, for I did not want to scare the woman. I was sure she would be scared enough after I had spoken to her.

The young woman was humming to herself while she fixed a sandwich. I was stopped short when I recognized the tune. It was such an unimportant thing in comparison to the reason I was here, but it stopped me short nevertheless. It was mine and Jasper's song. The song we had danced to at our wedding. This small thing filled me with the confidence and hope I needed to approach this woman. Surely, someone who loved a song that was so close to my own heart could not be completely horrible. It was ironic, how scared I found myself of this miniscule, weak human. But then again, I had once been a miniscule, weak human even if I did not remember it. All my kind had. We were not better then they, we were simply stronger.

I approached the woman with caution, not wanting to scare her. I attempted to make noise, so it wouldn't be such a shock to her when I tapped her on the shoulder. My attempts however, were to no avail. She jumped when I placed my cold hand on her shoulder. She turned around quickly and stared at me with a shocked expression. I could feel Jasper stiffen with the quick change in the emotional atmosphere. The woman opened her mouth to speak. Although I was prepared for difficulty, I was nowhere near prepared for the word that escaped her mouth. She said the word faintly, almost too faintly for human ears. With my senses, however, I hear her perfectly when she said,

"Vampire."

**Love those cliff hangers! Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Eeek I know I haven't updated in the longest time and I'm REALLY sorry. I had a huge history essay and I just couldn't find anytime to write. Even though its very late, I hope you forgive me for Alice's and Jasper's sake.

Shout out to SimplyDazzling and .Hope.44 for their reviews and advice. Thanks so much!!! Also a big shout out to abiness, shmidney, and Annalisa B. Crawford for supporting me this whole time! Go read their stories, they are amazing.

Intuition

I stared in awe at that little woman. She must have been only a few inches taller than me, for I almost faced her eye to eye. Her black hair was pulled into a tight bun, slightly pulling on the skin of her forehead. Her coffee-colored skin was covered in wrinkles. They made her appear much older than she actually was. Ink black lashes framed her eyes. Her eyes were pitch black and they shone with deep fear. She wore a black dress that reached her knees and a small white apron. In her hands was the tomato she was about to place on her sandwich. A red juice dribbled sown her thumb onto her apron, adding to the painting of stains that accumulated on it already. Jasper and I faced the small women for a few moments of silence. Neither of us seemed capable to speak. The woman remained frozen in fear. After a few seconds, I stepped forward.

"Hello, my name is Alice," I said in fluent Portuguese. The woman jumped slightly at the sound of my voice.

"What is your name?" I tried again. Even in Portuguese, I could see that the ringing sound of my voice somewhat relaxed the woman. She looked at me from beneath her eyelashes, my golden eyes reflected in her inky black ones.

"Kaure," she whispered breathlessly. I was delighted by her answer. I had succeeded in retrieving an answer from the woman. Jasper chuckled slightly at the change in my mood. I smiled at him and tried again.

"Do you know what I am?"

"Libishomen," she whispered in fright.

There was a beat of silence followed by frantic Portuguese. The woman began whispering the legends, as if by a reflex. She spoke of a blood-drinking demon that preyed on woman. It was hard to understand her frenzied ranting, even with my heightened hearing. She hissed at us and began to back away. I searched the near future for indication of what she planned to do. I could only see fragments, for she was changing her mind so quickly. Finally, my vision slowed, and the future became concrete. She would try to please us to save her own life. I writhed at the thought of what I would have to do. I hated abusing the monstrous quality in me, but it had to be done. It had always secretly bothered me when Rosalie used her charm to seduce a man or Emmett used his physique to frighten someone. I groaned inwardly and then pushed these thoughts aside. There was no time to fret about my morals. I grinned as widely as possible and stepped forward towards the woman.

"I won't hurt you. I just need to ask you something," I purred in Portuguese. I widened my smile, letting the sun which poured in from the windows reflect off of them. Even I could feel the woman's stress. She flinched again and closed her eyes. I quickly searched into the future to see if she planned on making a run for it. The future was shaky; she was hesitant. Suddenly I felt a cool blanket of calm settle down on me. The woman breathed out, and the future settled again. I chanced a smile at Jasper, who nodded jerkily back at me, his eyes hard.

"Que é um Libishomen?" I quickly questioned the woman about the legends, before she could change her future again.

The woman gasped lightly before answering my question.

"Um anjo escuro que venha somente na noite. Seduz as mulheres e rouba-as afastado. Alimenta em seu sangue. Por favor não me fira!" she breathed, her eyes never leaving mine.

_A dark angel who comes only in the night. He seduces the women and steals them away. He feeds on their blood._ Sounded like a vampire to me. The slight woman did know of what lived in the world. This was a very good staring point. I searched into the woman's far future. I could not find any blind spots, so I concluded that she had told me everything she could. I decided that I needed to find out more about those who knew of "Libishomen". I could not quite understand why I felt it necessary to understand this particular legend, but a nagging sensation told me to look into it. With no other leads to speak of, I decided that I would follow my intuition. It had served me well before. Was not it my intuition that told me to find the man in my visions? Was not it intuition that convinced me I had a chance at saving my family? I would trust my intuition, for it had given me reason to trust it.

As I considered this, the woman began to fidget. I could feel Jasper trying to calm her, but her anxiety was too great to be completely subdued. I needed to reassure her that I would not hurt her. She had obviously been taught to fear creatures of the legends, and wisely so. I was sure, however, that she had never dreamed of actually meeting one. She had handled it much better then I expected, though. She had truly helped me, and I felt bad for scaring her even though it was very necessary.

"Thank you very much Kaure," I murmured in Portuguese, "You have helped me very much. Do not worry, you shall not be bothered by me again." The woman finally relaxed. She looked straight into my eyes and blinked. When she reopened her eyes, they were not nearly as hard or scared. I could see the life slowly return to them. I smiled hugely at this change. Kaure flinched slightly. Giggling, I softened my grin. As I looked into them, I realized Kaure's eyes seemed to hold a question. I nodded slightly, answering her unspoken question. I was telling her that I was done. She would not be bothered by me any more. She paused slightly, silently thanking me, and then returned to her sandwich.

**Hope you enjoyed! Any comments/critiques/flames/whatnot are appreciated! I just love any feedback whatsoever!!!!**

**P.S. Sorry if the Portuguese isn't exactly correct, but I had to use an online translator so that was the best I could do. Review!**


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